


naive, hopeful and lost

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America, Marvel
Genre: Caretaker!Bucky, I'm so sorry for writing this, M/M, also steve knows asl, and let me tell you something, anyways this is kind of feely?, autistic!steve, i destroyed my own heart writing this fck, i'm a tags-talker (even on tumblr), it's got a little bit of fluff and a little bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 15:19:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7273402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>steve gets really anxious about not being bucky's little boy and starts to have a meltdown, bucky is there to save the day</p>
            </blockquote>





	naive, hopeful and lost

**Author's Note:**

> yeah in this and all verse i write, steve is autistic, jysk. i hc him as autistic and it helps me cope a lot w my own personal struggles w autism! my notes are always super messy and unprofessional who let me do this
> 
> as always hmu on tumblr- http://rosegoldvenus.tumblr.com

6:14 AM.

Steve stirs slightly in his sleep, and his eyes flutter open as he hears a car gently whistle by. He reaches his hands up and rubs his eyes gently, and realizes how BIG his hands are. It always takes a minute for it to register with Steve that he's not that little boy from Brooklyn any more- he's a super soldier now. His heart beat quickens as memories flash through his mind, and his breathing becomes jagged.

He sits up, careful to not disturb Bucky. Bucky's sleeping soundly, his hair splayed out on the pillow beneath his head and his metal arm resting against his forehead, arm bent at the elbow. 

Steve gently rolls out of bed, and his feet his the carpeted floor with a muffled thud. Steve looks down at his feet and sees how irreversibly large they are now, and tears well up in his eyes. He bites his lip anxiously and shuffles to the bathroom, trying to not look at himself. Steve's eyes shift down when he passes the mirror, but he can still feel it. 

Steve doesn't bother to turn on the bathroom light, because he doesn't want to be forced to see himself. He slides into the bathtub in his pajamas, and folds at the waist, knees brought up to his chest. He rests his chin on his knees and absentmindedly remembers his past in Brooklyn- how he was Bucky's little boy. He remembers Christmas with Bucky, and nice dinner parties where Bucky sat at the head of the table and Steve sat to his right. He remembers Coney Island, going to movies with Bucky, staying in and reading with Bucky- and he remembers how fragile and small he was.

Steve starts crying, hard. He's crying little hiccuping sobs, and his body is jerking as he cries. He rests his forehead against his knees and closes his eyes. Steve hears a quiet thud and a shuffling sound, but he dismisses it as some outside noise. He knows Bucky wouldn't be awake, he's always tired. Bucky always sleeps in. 

The bathroom door is pushed open with a creak, and the light flicks on. "Stevie?" Bucky asks, voice rough with sleep. "Hmm?" Steve asks, not picking his head up so Bucky won't see his tear-streaked face. "....What're ya doin in the bathtub, baby?" Bucky asks, leaning against the doorframe. Steve hears the wood creak gently with the pressure of Bucky's weight. "Nothin.." Steve mumbles, turning his face away from Bucky. 

Bucky walks towards Steve and kneels in front of the bathtub. "Stevie.." Bucky says quietly, as he places one hand on Steve's back. "You know you can tell me anything, baby."

Steve starts crying again, this time, harder than before. He's dissolved into big sobs, and the tears are streaming. "I.. d-don't f-f-feel g-good, B-Buck." Steve chokes out, sobbing breath making his voice quaver.

"Well, what's wrong, angel? You wanna tell me about it?" Bucky asks, gently moving his hand up and down Steve's back, in a slow, circular motion.

"I'm n-not li-li-little an-[sob]-anymoreeee" Steve cries out, and his partner's heart aches at the sound. 

"Oh, baby! You think it matters to me how big or small you are? You're my baby! I love you no matter what size or form you take, and I'm always gonna love you. You're so special to me, Stevie. Nothing can replace you. I don't give a rat's pink ass how you look, as long as you're with me, you're healthy, and you're happy." Bucky says, voice sympathetic and full of love.

Steve cautiously turns his head to his lover, and Bucky looks at Steve's pink, tear soaked face and his heart aches again. "He should never have to feel like this again," Bucky thinks to himself. Bucky outstretches his arms, and Steve leans into Bucky, crying harder. 

"C'mere, baby. Stand up for me." Bucky says as he stands to his feet. Steve stands up weakly, and drags his hands over his eyes, wiping his tears away. "Can I carry you back to bed, baby?" Bucky asks, hands on Steve's hips. Steve nods solemnly and starts crying again, lower lip trembling. "Alright, baby. I've got you. Ready?" Bucky asks, and he counts to three and hoists his lover up, and Steve's legs latch around Bucky's waist. 

Bucky stumbles briefly, and clasps his arms around Steve's back. "C'mon, baby, I've got you now. No more crying, okay? It's okay." Bucky walks out of the bathroom with one hand out, feeling for the lightswitch. He flicks the light off and shuffles back to bed. Bucky leans over the bed so Steve's back is touching it, and Steve unwraps his arms and legs from Bucky's body. 

"Stevie? Can you look at me?" Bucky asks, as he strokes Steve's hair. Steve nods meekly and opens his eyes so they meet Bucky's. Bucky's eyes are full of warmth and love, and he smiles when he sees Steve's eyes open. His eyelashes are long and stuck together with tears, and Bucky runs his thumb under Steve's eyes, wiping the tears away. 

"Let's go back to sleep, okay? We'll sleep all day if it makes you feel better." Bucky says, and Steve nods slowly in response, eyes closing gently.

Bucky crawls into bed next to Steve, curling up behind him, arms wrapped around Steve. "C'mere, baby boy. Come sleep in my arms." Bucky says, pulling Steve into him, making Steve the little spoon. "I love you!" Bucky murmurs happily, and Steve's hand raises, with the thumb, index and pinky finger raised. "I love you", Steve signs back.

Bucky plants a warm kiss on the back of Steve's head, and Steve sighs calmly in response. The two drift back to sleep, warm and feeling slightly-more-OK with the world.


End file.
